If Life Has Taught Me One Thing
If life has taught me one thing, it's that if you have to help push it out, it's not going to be a fart.
If life has taught me one thing, it's that you can't spell slaughter without laughter.
If life has taught me one thing, it's that when you eat your smarties you should eat the red ones last. The red ones give you cancer.
If life has taught me one thing, it's to zip up slowly. Or wear underwear.
If life has taught me one thing, it's that whatever you're looking for in the freezer is at the very bottom, under that freezer-burnt meat that no one remembers buying and that could very well be mastadon.
If life has taught me one thing, it's that my dog can lick any part of his body. But he still always starts with his arse. Life lessons from a dog don't have to make sense.